If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My breasts were aching with rage.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
