I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
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My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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