I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
