who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
