It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
