i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet he comes in French.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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