Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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