Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
