Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
