she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
