He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
