Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
