two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
