Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
