Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
