we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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