Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your penis caused this!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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