i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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