Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
