In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
