at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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