Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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