your room smells of hookers.
And success
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
