u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
