I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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