I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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