Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
