oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
