my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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