But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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