I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My penis needs a shock collar
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
