You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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