the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
