I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
