I hate all girls vehemently.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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