whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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