look no pants
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
