A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
