What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
