Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
