OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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