jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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