She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
