Whod you bang
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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