Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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