If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
