So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
