I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
