even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
