...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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