i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
