your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
kristin has been a bad kristin
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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