My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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