Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
