I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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