I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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