It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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