you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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