I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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