If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
