it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
