oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Randomize
