i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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