She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
