its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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