My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
