I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
