The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize