You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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