I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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