She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
