PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
