I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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