He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
too bad you live with your parents still
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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